box_of_doom: meditation (Default)
[personal profile] box_of_doom
My style is changing.

I can feel it happening and it's kind of weird, and frustrating, but kind of cool. Weird and frustrating because I have stuff dating all the way back to high school in my closet, and only recently have started to have the occasional problem of still having lots of clean clothes and going "nothing feels right". On the other hand, it's kind of cool because I'm growing as a person. Things have been changing in my life. I want more things to change in my life. There are ways in which I know that change could happen, there's a buildup and I feel like there's chrysalis and so much potential energy and I want to take the next step and I'm also terrified of taking the next step, but at the same time at peace with it.

There's a lot to win and lose both in moving forward, and that's terrifying.

It's also entirely a necessary part of life.

And half the time I don't know what to think, except I know what I want, and sometimes it doesn't always align in a neat little package.

But such is life, and maybe I'm just not seeing the solution that's right out there in front of me. And maybe I just don't have all the pieces yet.

And I'm going to get frustrated about this again. I already know that. It's pretty much impossible for me not to. I'm also going to get depressed. And overjoyed. And elated. And hopefully cobble together a life that is wonderful for myself, no matter what form it takes. Because I think I know what I want, but there's still some pieces that I don't know how to reconcile. And maybe that means that things need to change, and I need to find a new and even better dream life. And maybe that just means compromise and figuring out things as I go along.

I'll probably have to do some of the latter anyway, because life. Hopefully not too much of it, because I want to be a little selfish sometimes. But. A healthy amount of everything. Yeah. That'd be nice.

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box_of_doom: meditation (Default)
C-chan

June 2017

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