*sigh*

So.

What have I been up to lately?

Not a ton.

A lot of time has been spent in my room. Supposed to be cleaning, more time is spent goofing off, however, I'm sad to admit. I've been reading, I'm so far behind, but I AM reading.

My room is looking a lot cleaner now. Though there's still so much to go through. I want to try to clean out areas that haven't seen the light of day in years. And I'm finding things I forgot about altogether. And with my hope chest and a new bookshelf in my room, the geography has changed slightly. Not much, but slightly.

Lately, I feel like I've been drifting away from my family. And that it's more my fault than anything. They go out, I don't go. Either because its a parents' only thing, or something involving my sister, or I've got other plans or whatever. Or we're all home, but I'm in my room or whatever.

...and I'm only getting out of the house, maybe, 3 days a week. Which probably isn't healthy. But I'm back to school in a week and a half -- I have ten days of freedom after today and that is scaring me so much too. And naturally my family's going to be away for the entire first week.

I have a lot of weekend plans, to be honest I'm scared about this Saturday though I have no need to be and I know it. I don't even know why I'm scared or anything. I... don't even know. I think part of it is financial, and half-scared of getting lost or feeling left out or I don't even know. and as i said, I know I shouldn't be scared, so don't tell me I'm being silly, I already know it. ...I'm still half-tempted to invite someone with me, but she doesn't even follow the com, so it wouldn't be as much fun for her and the last thing I want to do is drag her into things. I already feel like I drag my friends around enough without meaning do, just because I fangirl over things and try to share the enthusiasm. And I leave people out in the process, because they're not in it. And I'm sorry. ...and I get on the other side of that too a lot. Video games come up a lot, and while I think they're fun and everything? I've played few enough individual games that I can count them if I remove my socks. So more often than not I end up being the silent, left out one in those conversations.

Yesterday was spent P-malling with two_powers, which was much fun. ^^ And then we got to hang out with Kristy and Sheena for about 6 hours, which even more fun! ...I need to be extraverted more often. I wish I had more money with which to be able to travel more and thus be extraverted more. Or, um, to buy cute things like all the moomin stuff I was oggling yesterday.

I feel lonely right now though. ...I've been home all day, have talked a bit to people, but not much.

*sigh* I often feel like people don't want to me. And that's probably ALSO a silly assumption, but I still feel like it's true. Like people have better things to do. And I've been craving to skype for about a week, but I'm always terrified to try calling someone on there. XD I'm also terrified to call people offline though, so this isn't too surprising. And in group conversations I'm always afraid of sounding like an idiot or like I'm talking about myself too much 'cause i don't know what else to talk about or how to comment on other things and.... *fail fail fail fail fail*

I also wish that Twitter was behaving right now. I think I've given up on it for the night, the only thing it will let me post is me complaining that it's not working. XD