*drinks tea*

Mmm... today has not been particularly good.

I've been very tired all day due to only getting 5 hours of sleep between body deciding 5:30 is the new 6:30, and getting home a little past midnight from smorgasbork. (Which was a good smorgasbork and Lucy is adorable and I hope Beth does awesome in China and do I owe you anything for the necklace Cass?)

But yeah. Ever since, what? Friday? I've either been busy, sleeping, exchausted, out, or a combination thereof.

And I get to school today, and completely have forgotten to do anything for my classes. Two of which were new, so nothing to do for them, but readings supposed to be done for the other two. So I rushed to get at least a good start on them. And survived no problem there. But still felt bad.

And most people know who their practicum teacher is by now. I... know my school, but not my teacher. I don't know when the school STARTS. I'm going to need to call them, probably tomorrow. Maybe Friday. But I should at least try tomorrow. Over lunch, I guess, it'll be later than their lunch. And so hopefully there will be at least a secretary there to tell me when school starts at so I can be there sufficiently early. Or something.

I made a promise in drama class to be stress free earlier this week, along with the rest of my class. And they say in the practicum webct to be patient and everything should be up by Friday at the latest....

But I'm just worried. And paranoid. And I want everything to go well.

I'm also having self-esteem problems and wondering if this is right for me and if I'm in the right place or not... everyone seems to know what they want much more than I do and I'm scared I won't do a good job though I know that I should... and.... yeah.

I also still need to read my practicum book and become more on top of reading all the emails from every class and... I'm just starting to feel a little overwhealmed. I need to get organized this weekend, once I'm feeling less tired and have time on my hands once again. At least a little time....

Today ended with going out to dinner. At Jack Astor's. Food was good, restaurant was noisy. Not blasting music like the Jack Astor's on Saturday, but still... too loud for a tired C-chan that just wanted to go home.



....another thing on the teaching thing.... this school is really big on people getting placed right after they go out. At this point in time... I'm not sure if I wouldn't want a year or two off before I settle down. I still would love to go to Japan, if nothing else.

I'm also scared of the fact that I... I feel like I'm being forced to grow up faster than my friends. Which in a way is not true at all, most of my friends have jobs while I'm still in school, and so on and so forth. But I very well might be the first one to have a career, a profession. .....and that terrifies me in a way. I feel like it means I need to grow up and settle down in a way that only having a job does not. No offense to all of you who have jobs, of course. :S

And I'm young even in this course. I'm terrified of not being ready. Not being prepared. Not being old enough. Not being accepted. Not having freedom. Not having enough time. Not having enough sleep. Not having enough support. Not giving myself enough time to do everything. Not having enough hours in the day.

This is also the first time in my life I've ever had to live one year at a time. And while it should be an adventure and new, it's also terrifying. I want stability, but I don't want to settle down. I want more time to be a twenager, without having to be an ADULT. If that makes any sense. (Stealing the twenager thing from LOTR, in case anyone's wondering.)

I'm sure everything will go fine, or at least work itself out. I've got some serious reading and preparation to do over the next few days, but I'll be able to catch up and do well.
I just hope everything will go well enough from there. And that I'll have more energy soon.