Oct. 6th, 2009

box_of_doom: (Ryou price)
1) Awkwardness makes for awesomeness in RPs.
2) Awkwardness does not make for awesomeness in reality.
3) I get really frustrated when I don't have an appropriate place to voice my thoughts.
4) #3 happens far too often, in various situations, for various reasons. :S
5) Seeing furniture from my childhood -- some in good condition, some not -- being thrown away... hurts.
6) I need more people to RP with and/or more muses for mine to interact with.
7) #6 nonwithstanding, I don't have time for lj or other long-term-commitment-based RPS, and often end up being an introvert when in one.
7) I need to talk to some people more often.
8) I need to write those letters.
9) I wish people would write me letters.
10) This book is reminding me too much of two people -- and if I'm remembering their comments correctly, they agree.
11) I need more energy.
12) My entire family needs more energy.
13) I'm not spending enough time on homework.
14) There's something amusing with the idea of a Mormon Latin lover. No offense to Mormons.
15) Most of the Mormons I know should be excommunicated.
16) My church wouldn't excommunicate them for the reasons that they should be excommunicated, IIRC. >.>
17) I need more time to be social.
18) I need more TIME.
19) I really should do some cleaning.......
20) I really should get some more sleep.....
21) I might be on staff next year for NAF.
22) All being good, I will be leaving for Japan at the end of July. I don't expect it to be easy, and I know there will be hardships, and yet I will still be disillusioned and I know it. But I want to go still. But I need to apply first. And yes.

Note: Please see 18 in regards to 19 and 20. and 17. and 8. and 13. and 22. and most of the list.
box_of_doom: (red/green--sad)
I hate this....

I want to know what's going on this weekend, but no one knows, and that's driving me insane.
I'm going back to the role of a teacher on Friday, and I don't know if I should be scared or excited.
I'm confused over things, but I can't talk about them with anyone for fear of... various things.
I hate the idea of setting up friends filters, so I don't, but partially as a result of this and partially due to the previous statement and partially due to other stuff... I feel so often like I need to censor myself and bottle things away.
I wish I could vent a few things to someone, but it's late now, and I really should just go to bed.


...I don't have my homework done for tomorrow at all. But I'll manage.


Someone offered to buy me something today, and I literally didn't know how to take it. I think it embarrasses me when people volunteer to offer me things, though the cheap part of my brain says yay and then the responsible side says how do we make it up to them it's not fair to just let them give stuff... and sometimes I feel I'm behind on giving people stuff for this reason, even though I wouldn't feel the same if I were giving them stuff... ie. I wouldn't be expecting much in return, if anything at all.

There's some things I still really need to get over. I don't think it's holding a grudge so much as wounds I keep picking at or something. I... should work on that. Probably. Yeah.

In the meantime, let's try to sleep. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. A massage would help. But alas, no one to give me one right this second. ...ah well.

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box_of_doom: pink bunny (Default)
C-chan

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