(no subject)

So I think I might be going through a quarter-life crisis. Right on schedule, too.
Or perhaps a couple years early, if the goal is to live to be a hundred-something. But.... shh. Still in my twenty-somethings which means.... yeah.

It's pretty much decided that I'm not applying to school boards next year. I... don't want to be in a traditional classroom, and I don't want to supply. I want a break.

I don't know how much of this is the last placement talking. The last placement was horrid on me, and definitely effected my psyche more than it should have. Apparently I passed it, like my last post suggested. But worrying about passing also made me think and worry about a few other things, and I think I've got some growing up to do and soul searching to do that I need to get underway before I can really... move onto a solid career.

To be honest, even that I need to think over a little more. I might still want to be a teacher at the end of all this. I might not. But we'll see. And no matter what, I'll be glad to have the paper coming out of this. Because it WILL open doors one way or another.

I'm starting to give Okashi some actual thought, though I know it's a lot more work than any of us think it will be. However, I wouldn't be surprised if there were grants and such that we could apply for, given the age of... everyone I know that is interested (at least potentially) in opening up a cafe of some sorts. And there definitely would be a workforce for it too.
I also wonder if it would be successful enough to sustain itself or not.

If Japan falls through, I might look into it a bit more. Though I don't know if anyone else would be willing to join me right off the bat if it ever... was possible. And I couldn't do it alone.

I'll know next month what my prospects are, at least in part, for Japan. They say whether or not you qualify for an interview in January, at least. So we'll see what happens here.


I find it very stressful, this living one year at a time. I like to know where I'll be next year. But the world doesn't have that security for twenty-somethings, it seems. This scares me. And I know that I will probably make it out in one piece. I have a great support system, when they're around. And sometimes even when they're not. (Last week, for all that I've begun to hate phones since my grandfather entered the hospital, they also were my best friend, allowing me to talk to people about how every day was going, and work out my frustrations when no one could be near me at home.)

Heck, I find it stressful not knowing where I'll be in a few months. People ask me where my next placement is, I don't know and won't for a while. I don't know if I'll have another bad time, or if this six-week one (March through April) will be wonderful. ...I just hope it doesn't ruin my birthday. This one made a few attempts on Christmas, let me tell you.

My mind has been going on far too often lately. It doesn't like not knowing what's ahead. It doesn't like the idea of failure. It wants things to be happy and secure, but I can't have that right now. It wants to be responsible and mature, but doesn't want to deal with a lot of the problems of the work world.

...it wants to go back to the UTSC lifestyle, pretty much.


And if I don't take the teaching route, at least not traditionally, I wonder where I could end up?

I'm thinking librarianship would make a ton of sense for me. and I might go that way.
Again, Okashi/the cafe does too. But I don't know how much of a real reality that is.

Being a stay at home mom is out of the question until I actually have............................. um.................................. 1) a spouse, 2) children. And even then, I don't know if I'd want that for myself or not at all. XD I'd probably want to run SOMETHING out of the house even if I did. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I still need to find the person who is just for Chii C-chan first.


But yeah. I think I need to... at the very least, not go into supplying right away next year. Many people take a year to do something before going to university. I didn't for insurance reasons. That year is probably going to be next year. It might be in Japan, it might be over here doing who knows what. But hopefully I can use it to... figure out some things, and work towards a future where I can truly be happy. Whatever future that happens to be.

I find my mindset so interesting lately, even while hating it. Because I am at peace with various things, even as I stress over them. I think it's the unknown that bothers me the most. However, if we knew everything in life, it would be boring. People have been telling me that all happy times is boring as well, and I'm inclined to agree them. The uncertain, sad, angry, and frustrating times just aren't as welcoming when you're living through them.

I wonder how long this quarter life crisis will last, but I hope my brain will at least let me enjoy Christmas.