My Canada Day

On Pride

You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one....

I was talking to caitlinneko earlier today about Pride. It's interesting for both of us, because... we're not quite sure the best way to identify ourselves, if in different ways.

Really, she reminds me a lot of myself when I was her age, with a few clear differences.

I won't go into what it is for her, because she knows, and if she doesn't, then she will find out over time, and that is her story to tell if she chooses.

For me, well... I could map out how I've seen my romantic interests shift over the years, but that would be... an interesting post to write, and would probably be slightly TMI and a confusing mix of fantasy, characters, and reality.
And at the end of it all, I'd still be single with hardly any personal romantic past to speak of. Which again, I'm not going to go into any more than that.... (unless to say that yes, I'm available. Still.)
I'm also not going to go into the types I like or don't like, here. That's not the point either. Not that I try to keep this too much of a secret either... I'd probably tell, if asked.

I just want to talk about myself, and the idea of Pride.

One thing that I talked about with caitlinneko, and I've discovered more and more with time over the years is that... even if I were to have a girlfriend, or a trans SO, or whatnot and be in an established and loving relationship, I'm not sure if I'd ever really want to go to Pride.

I didn't identify as "straight" from early univeristy. But I never got involved in the LGBTQ things... I didn't feel the need to. Still, I've never been accused of being the type to be just experimenting while in school, though I wouldn't be surprised if someone did. Not that there's anything physically to base it on. :S And I can't talk on that one way or the other.... all I can say is where I am now, and where I have been. Not where I will go.

For me, I think the reason for both of these is the same.

As some of you may know, my aunt (the younger of my mom's older sisters, to be precise), is a lesbian. For 25 years, her partner was a woman that I knew as my Aunt Jan. They broke up a few years ago, and it... really hurt my aunt. She may or may not currently have feelings for another woman now, also ironically named Janet. (At any rate, they're close friends. I do not ask, because it's not my place.)

When I was in grade four, I figured this out for myself.
I clearly remember the moment, though I couldn't tell you the day. I had the epiphany at the end of the day, when cleaning up my things and packing up for the way home -- I think I was one of the last few there that day. I actually realized it then tried to talk myself out of it, though over time I figured out that I was probably right.

I think it was in highschool when my mom brought it up, and I said I already knew.

In short, the issue was never discussed in my family. It was rarely brought up.

However, this was not, I believe, due to any attempt to hide the issue. My Aunt Pat and Aunt Jan were then just as much a part of my life as Aunt Fran and Uncle Gary, or Uncle Paul and Aunt Kim. In fact, I'm named after her, and she and Aunt Jan are namesakes of my youngest cousin (unfortunate, knowinig the events that transpired soon after her birth, but who can see into the future?).

The reason that it was not mentioned, I choose to believe, is that it didn't matter. The fact that Aunt Jan was a woman wasn't important. The fact that Aunt Pat loved her was. Just as it should be in any loving relationship. It was a non-issue because gender wasn't an issue in my family when it came to love. It was not a non-issue because it was a taboo topic.

I've had conversations with my mom that support this. She's told me about a gay man that touched her spiritually... and an interesting theory or two she has about theology. She once asked me, in the car on the way to school in univeristy, "if [I] had given any thought to what [my] sexual orientation might be". She's actually given me a carte blanche to bring a girlfriend home, should I ever have one.

It really is a non-issue in my family, and I think I am very blessed to be in a place where this is true. And I believe it would be the same with my church community, and extended family. I would have slight problems with a few people, and I could probably tell you exactly who these people are without seeing anyone test the theory. But overall... I would still be seen as no different as I'd ever been as the... perpetually single and see what you like Claire that I'd been up to that point.

And I guess, largely due to that.... if I were to have someone.... I imagine it being very domestic. Not trying to hide, but not being pride-a-licious either. Just... being. That's what I envision for myself, and that's what I hope I can live eventually, no mattter who I end up with.


I'm not saying there is anything wrong with Pride. It's great to see people standing up in support and celebrating it. It's a great thing, anad I wouldn't want to take it away for anything. It's too important to too many people, and I understand why.

But for me, I want to live in a world like the one I was brought up in. One where it is a non-issue, where it doesn't need to be celebrated any more than straightness is. Because love is love, and people are people, and so it doesn't matter.