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box_of_doomI feel horrible right now. I was getting better. Happier. Friday and Saturday were great.
And now, I feel like I'm slipping again.
And I hate it.
I want to scream. I want to rip something up. I want to take a hiatus from life.
I feel stressed and overwhealmed and upset over I don't know what. And little things are starting to bug me more. Even this morning, when dad said something and I KNOW he was teasing... and I mock-glared at him.... it wasn't a mock glare for long. And I could feel myself slipping.
And I think I'm gonna end up crying a little, because I can feel my eyes welling up.
I'm worrying too much about certain people, because that's my instinct. And I don't know how to stop it and I don't know if I want to. And I'm pissed off at certain people but I don't know if I really have reason to or not so I'm trying to keep from yelling at them about certain things. And I'm stressed out, partially because of the fact that I have 4 things due next week (midterms count as something due) and I've started two of them, but one of them is drama-related and I haven't even blocked with my partner yet, though we've got our lines pretty much down. And part of it is job/monitary-related. And maybe part of it is Disney World and the quest for rides to school. I don't know. But there's more to it than just that.
And I missed a class on Monday because I was feeling nausious, and they watched a movie, and I found it online, but it's in German and the version I found doesn't have subtitles and now I have to check with a classmate whether or not the actual things said are important or not because I don't think they really are due to what the movie is but I can't be certain.
And I feel angry and upset and overwhealmed an tired and I don't want to feel like this I really don't I really really don't. And no, I don't feel emo and I'm not gonna dress in black with a t-shirt that says "I am dark and brooding" and wear thick mascara and cut myself or anything, because that is not me, and I'm not feeling suicidal or anything. I just feel horrible and I don't know why but I do at the same time and I feel like a few more straws and this camel is going to collapse.
And sometimes I feel fine, but all it takes is one little thing to make me feel bad again, and I shouldn't be getting like this so easily. I want to be happy. I want everyone to be happy. Why can't that be easier?
I need hugs. And maybe a live-in SO (Chez Geek reference, FTW). Except, not live-in, because I have no place to house a live-in SO. (PS: Jas... apparently there is an optional rule that allows for people to become EACH OTHER'S live-in SO. hee heee.....)
In short, I need to get happy again. Stat. Because I hate feeling like this.
...and before certain people who feel that they are being mentioned here think that not telling me stuff anymore is a good idea, not talking to people won't help because I tend to get more upset/paranoid when I think people aren't telling me anything. (Makes C-chan feel inadequate sometimes. T_T)
........and maybe I didn't even need to say that and maybe now I sound nosy and gossipy, which I don't want to be either.
.................................
Yeah.
I should stop talking now.
Random thingy: I'm taking another stampy thingy at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
kkm_rating and no one can agree on who I am. 4 people, 5 different characters with one vote each. ^^;;;
I think I both win and lose for that.
Also, I have my exam schedule. English on April 20th, Canadian Theatre on April 25th, and Theatre History on April 30th. Can't start work until May, but lots of time to study.
And I'm getting braces on (I think) April 26th.
What Language Should You Speak?
You should be multilingual!You're well rounded, and full of different ideas. You've got a great sense of adventure and you're always trying new things.
Take this quiz!
Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code
Multilingualness would be fun.
I just have to be un-lazy enough to do it.
Which Greek Warrior From The Iliad Are You?
Ajax: Honor is everything to you. So is procuring Achilles' armor, but suicide is not the answer, man!
Take this quiz!
Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code
I used to live in Ajax. But that was named after a boat named after this guy.
What kind of yarn are you?
You are Merino Wool.You are very easygoing and sweet. People like to keep you close because you are so softhearted. You love to be comfortable and warm from your head to your toes.
Take this quiz!
Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code
Sounds comfy. ^^
COUNTDOWN: 42 days till 19
Random fact: In "Ouran High School Host Club", it was originally intended for Honey-sempai, NOT Tamaki, to go emoing in the corner a lot. Yay for mangaka changing their minds?
And now, I feel like I'm slipping again.
And I hate it.
I want to scream. I want to rip something up. I want to take a hiatus from life.
I feel stressed and overwhealmed and upset over I don't know what. And little things are starting to bug me more. Even this morning, when dad said something and I KNOW he was teasing... and I mock-glared at him.... it wasn't a mock glare for long. And I could feel myself slipping.
And I think I'm gonna end up crying a little, because I can feel my eyes welling up.
I'm worrying too much about certain people, because that's my instinct. And I don't know how to stop it and I don't know if I want to. And I'm pissed off at certain people but I don't know if I really have reason to or not so I'm trying to keep from yelling at them about certain things. And I'm stressed out, partially because of the fact that I have 4 things due next week (midterms count as something due) and I've started two of them, but one of them is drama-related and I haven't even blocked with my partner yet, though we've got our lines pretty much down. And part of it is job/monitary-related. And maybe part of it is Disney World and the quest for rides to school. I don't know. But there's more to it than just that.
And I missed a class on Monday because I was feeling nausious, and they watched a movie, and I found it online, but it's in German and the version I found doesn't have subtitles and now I have to check with a classmate whether or not the actual things said are important or not because I don't think they really are due to what the movie is but I can't be certain.
And I feel angry and upset and overwhealmed an tired and I don't want to feel like this I really don't I really really don't. And no, I don't feel emo and I'm not gonna dress in black with a t-shirt that says "I am dark and brooding" and wear thick mascara and cut myself or anything, because that is not me, and I'm not feeling suicidal or anything. I just feel horrible and I don't know why but I do at the same time and I feel like a few more straws and this camel is going to collapse.
And sometimes I feel fine, but all it takes is one little thing to make me feel bad again, and I shouldn't be getting like this so easily. I want to be happy. I want everyone to be happy. Why can't that be easier?
I need hugs. And maybe a live-in SO (Chez Geek reference, FTW). Except, not live-in, because I have no place to house a live-in SO. (PS: Jas... apparently there is an optional rule that allows for people to become EACH OTHER'S live-in SO. hee heee.....)
In short, I need to get happy again. Stat. Because I hate feeling like this.
...and before certain people who feel that they are being mentioned here think that not telling me stuff anymore is a good idea, not talking to people won't help because I tend to get more upset/paranoid when I think people aren't telling me anything. (Makes C-chan feel inadequate sometimes. T_T)
........and maybe I didn't even need to say that and maybe now I sound nosy and gossipy, which I don't want to be either.
.................................
Yeah.
I should stop talking now.
Random thingy: I'm taking another stampy thingy at
kkm_rating and no one can agree on who I am. 4 people, 5 different characters with one vote each. ^^;;;I think I both win and lose for that.
Also, I have my exam schedule. English on April 20th, Canadian Theatre on April 25th, and Theatre History on April 30th. Can't start work until May, but lots of time to study.
And I'm getting braces on (I think) April 26th.
What Language Should You Speak?
You should be multilingual!You're well rounded, and full of different ideas. You've got a great sense of adventure and you're always trying new things.
Take this quiz!
Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code
Multilingualness would be fun.
I just have to be un-lazy enough to do it.
Which Greek Warrior From The Iliad Are You?
Ajax: Honor is everything to you. So is procuring Achilles' armor, but suicide is not the answer, man!
Take this quiz!
Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code
I used to live in Ajax. But that was named after a boat named after this guy.
What kind of yarn are you?
You are Merino Wool.You are very easygoing and sweet. People like to keep you close because you are so softhearted. You love to be comfortable and warm from your head to your toes.
Take this quiz!
Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code
Sounds comfy. ^^
COUNTDOWN: 42 days till 19
Random fact: In "Ouran High School Host Club", it was originally intended for Honey-sempai, NOT Tamaki, to go emoing in the corner a lot. Yay for mangaka changing their minds?
