Dream About The Days to Come

I am still seriously suffering from too many goodbyes/endings. Another one has just been thrown upon me. It was already partially thrown upon me, but not at this level.

They're getting rid of the trailer. Possibly very, very soon.

It's going to be taken out of Woodland (the trailer park that it is kept in), and put back up for sale. The plan was for my grandparents to give it to Uncle Peter, but the people in charge of the park wouldn't allow that because the trailer is over 12 years old. It's a year older than me to be exact.

We were going to keep it there, but just have someone else take it. We still would have been able to go up. I suppose it still may be possible to go to Aunt Vi's with the Williamses (one branch or another), but chances of this happening are not particularly good.

But... this is really hard for me to fully grasp still. I mean... I don't remember ever not going up to the trailer. I've been going up there since I was... well, if not a babe in arms, then a toddler, too young to be in kindergarten. The the pool, the bingo, the beach, the Spice Girl impersonating, "But I want to sleep on the cruton!", the putting on random shows, the sandbox, "Baker Bob's"... the list is endless.

Now I have to say goodbye to it all.

I don't want to.

Last night, I slept in the lower bunk in the back of the trailer. When I was younger, I always used to sleep in the top bunk right above it, and Joyce would sleep there. I would always look out the little window with the textured glass, seeing the light from the office/store and pool coming through. I would open it up, and see the entrance to the park, and the same view as I always had. When I outgrew the top bunk (there's not too much room up there!) I moved down and Joyce moved to the master bed. I don't remember how, but a glow-in-the-dark star was put up there, on the top of the lower bunk (I think I found it at camp one year and brought it with me up there). I slept under it for the last time last night.

Yeah... I went up there yesterday with Granddad and Nana to pack up some stuff. We didn't do too much, as we only found out that Uncle Peter wouldn't be able to take it over as hoped (at least not without a ton of red tape, and the removal of our trailer one way or the other) today at noon-ish, on our way out.

The upside: I now have the coolest game ever at home.

The downside: even if I do somehow end up going up with someone else, it won't be the same. The trailer won't be there. The add-on-room won't be there. The sandbox may be there, but it will be on someone else's property. Not mine. Not the Williams'. It will be off limits.

I wish that I had gone in there and made a random little castle/sculpture. I wish I had put up the hammock, even if just to sit in it for 5 seconds and taken it down again. I almost definitely never will again.

My usual summer plans of spending the equivalent of a month at lot 12A in Woodland Park are no more.

( erm... )

Am I internalizing/thinking about this too much and/or being too sentimental. Maybe. I have a habit of doing such. I can be more depressed at times than some people expect. I just don't get overly emotional... more likely rant about it, either straight out to someone or written down somewhere, or somehow turned into a poem/plot bunny. I still don't know when the last time was that I cried (and I'm not now either)... it sort of scares me. ( Read more... )

But I'm probably boring anyone who is reading this now... (maybe not any more than usual... this is less of a novel than my last number of posts, but still...)

So... I shall stop my rant here for tonight, and move on to these ( random quizzies )

Random fact: erm... I have nothing. Come up with your own.